The Girl Next Door

The girl next door, who is she?  Can she be the woman with the untainted reputation, the GOD fearing woman, independent woman working hard to maintain what she has built...Can she be the woman that cooks, cleans, and prefers being at home...Or can she be the woman that is nurturing and caring and provides new experiences that your not use to getting from any other woman, or is she what you would consider wifey material to bare your children and one day carry your last name?

No matter what perception of a "girl next door" you may have, what is it about that person that frightens us as men?  Some find her early, some find her later in life, some even have the luck of finding her more than once; but the thought of forever scares us so we either run away, dog her out, or become somewhat standoffish.  You see we as men have been programed that we are not suppose to show our emotions as it shows a sign of weakness.  No matter what any man says, we all want and need that one person that we can call to tell good or bad news to, someone that we can squeeze at night, that one person that understands us better than anyone else, and someone that we can grow old with.  In most cases people say men try to find a woman that reminds him of his mother, in some ways this is true.  We need that person that will be there when ever we call, maintains the household and is independent, someone who loves us for us and is able to call us out on our bull but not judge us for it. 

So where are these such women, where do we find them; at church, at the club, at work, from a friend, social media sites, dating sites, maybe the grocery store...I have found that you can find them any where, but its when your not looking is when they show up.  So if your looking for her, stop...have your fun and believe me if its meant to be she will find you.

Change, is it possible...

A leopard can not change its spots nor can a zebra change its stripes...Hmmm, what does this mean?  Shortly stated, it means that one can not change their essential nature.  Now why is it that we can change our style of clothing throughout the year, we can change our minds about what we like, and we can change the person that we love, but we can not change our nature?  It boggles my mind to no end. 

For instance, a man who has been in and out of jail for years knows wrong from right but yet he has the mentality that fast money is easy money but with consequences if caught.  He finally decides enough is enough and when he gets out decides to get a 9-5 job to support his family because he has a new born child now and wants to be there for his family.  He gets bored with the job and needs more money to support the lifestyle that he is use to so he goes back out does his dirt, gets the money, and before soon gets caught and back in jail he goes.  Three strikes your out, now he has to watch his child grow up from behind the bars.

Why is it that we don't learn our lessons or lose site of what is important.  Sometimes change is for the better, but in some instances change can effect the people around us more.  I believe that we have to look deep within ourselves and ask why is it that I do what I do and why is it that I can't learn self control of the things that are bad for me.  The flesh is weak and we need to learn to deviate from wanting things now and in a hurry, but to request for the things that we need to supply our mind and soul with the essentials.  Take a deep look in the mirror and tell me do you like what you see, are you where you are suppose to be in life, do you have all the things you have ever wanted and truly needed, have you let fear hold you back from accomplishing your goals.  When is enough enough and when will we stand up and say no more, a change is to come and it needs to start today.

When is enough truly enough

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies....When is enough going to be truly enough for you?  I mean I am so sick of seeing women fall for the bull of men, it is 2012 going on 2013 and you are still allowing these men to define you.  Everyone deserves to be loved, yes, but no one deserves to be mistreated either.  Don't be up here with your life and let a man bring your self esteem down here.  Before you got that man weren't you doing fine...so if he left today or tomorrow don't you think you will still be doing fine?  YES!!! Have your own, be independent, love yourself and know your worth.  I see so many woman confusing real men from little boys because real men aren't intimidated by an independent woman, no.  We just don't have time for the one's that throw up in your face "I don't need you I got my own" every 5 seconds.  We can handle a women who carries herself well, keeps her hair right, clothes fitted, finances in line with her means, and has her own but not afraid to allow us to help when needed.  But don't confuse us with the little boys that feel threatened that a woman makes more than him, insecure that if she looks nice when he isn't around she doing something, even though he mad she has more money he forever borrowing and never paying back money, everything in his mama name lil boys that will break your self esteem down to the point where your wondering why you exist is not the look.  Dust yourself off and keep it moving because you deserve better.  I have a daughter and I will be damned if I let her end up with some raggedy, no job having, insecure little boys that hit on women.  I'm going to show her how a man is suppose to love, support, and honor his woman.  As I am going to teach my two sons to respect women no matter what they are doing or conducting themselves you still respect them as you would want someone to respect your mother or your sister.  That's how I was raised and that is how I'm raising mine.  They learn from you so if you have a man that disrespects you and you make every excuse of why he is the way he is then they are going to grow up feeling that is ok.  Someone needs to break that cycle real quick because there is way too many instances of people losing their lives over domestic violence or committing suicide because someone brought their self esteem down so low that they couldn't take life any more.  So dont' talk about it, be about it and take back the control over your life.

My top 3 club bangers that I am feeling

These the songs that you can def. get ya grind on at the club, hell get your day started right cleaning with these too

Voicemail Message Etiquette

I have three pet peeves when it comes to voice mails.

1. The dreaded person that leaves like an hour voicemail explaining why they need you to call back, then if they forgot to tell you something in the last message they call you back then try explaining everything again so its all in one message.  "I forgot to grab this that and the other for diner tonight so I need you to go to this store grab this that and the other then go over to that store and get the other this that, oh and don't forget to go to grab my dry cleaning...Sorry I forgot to tell you to grab a bag of this, and don't for get to grab this and that and the other..." Why do you need to tell me every little detail, just say I need you to call me back its regarding this or that.  Then that will prompt me to say OK is this an emergency message where I need to call now or can I wait till later.
2. Calling someone and get their voicemail and they are explaining why they didn't answer.  "Sorry I missed your call but I'm either too busy with the kids, didn't hear my phone ring, in a meeting, on the other end, or I just didn't feel like talking to you!"  Really!
3. The infamous too loud voicemail that you can't make out what song it is and the loud vulgar rap songs.  Like why do you need your phone that close to the speakers to try and capture your favorite songs.  Didn't you think that maybe if you were job hunting or looking for schools that someone would be calling you back but now you just messed your chances up because 1st impressions are everything.

When picking out a ring back song or music to play in the background of your voicemail, please know the volume set and think about the lyrics and the reflection of what someone would perceive of you when they hear it come on.  When putting together your voicemail keep it simple, short and straight to the point."you reached ___________sorry I missed your call but if you leave your name and number I will get back to you at my earliest convenience."  Or if all fails just use your default message of your number and/or name.  You never know who maybe calling you, you don't want to lose out on your future.

Expose or not to Expose?

Have you ever asked the question, when is too soon to expose your child to life?  I know I have.  Things have changed over the decades where children are being exposed way to soon to a lot of life altering situations, what ever happened to allow the child to be a child...

So when is too soon to talk about drugs, strangers, sex, std's, teen pregnancy, being an individual and accepting oneself, etc.  At what age should a child have choices to be themselves and express their creativity or sexuality?  These are the questions that plague a lot of parents mind.  Like the other day I was having a debate with a few of my friends on facebook about a guy who's child's mother decided to take her to a concert without his knowledge, knowing he didn't approve of exposing his child to rap music at her age.  There was a lot of debate surrounding the mother should have discussed it before purchasing tickets, the child is going to hear the music playing somewhere so why not allow her to listen under your roof, that perhaps he was overreacting, etc. 

I would have to say in my own personal opinion that parents need to be a sounding block for children.  Parents need to discuss with each other first any decisions that are made that affect the child's upbringing.  This is why it is so important for parents to be able to communicate well with each other.  When parents are together in the household they should discuss any and everything together then talk to the child together so that they can see they are on the same page and there will be no playing sides.  If parents are separated, divorced, or even just live in separate homes and never married I think they should communicate any questions that the child has asked, communicate any rules that you have at one house so that they match up with the rules at the other house so that the child isn't confused.  I have seen too many times where one rule may apply at one house and not at the other, now the child is acting out because they feel dad is too strict and mom lets me get away with a lot.

It is the discretion of the parent to expose their child to certain things in life, just communicate with the other parent and try not exposing the child to too much at one time.  Explain it in away that they can understand and that they aren't grossed out or scared to talk to you about the subject in the future.  Your life will be much easier knowing you gave them the tools and knowledge to go out into the world and make the right decision.